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Finally got the opportunity to watch this movie after being super stoked for it since the trailers came out. Without spoiling anything, I’ll go ahead and tell you this much: The entire thing happened because two gods, bored and unsatisfied with their marriage, decided they’d make a bet on a bunch of little kids.

The thing about gods in this movie though, they’re pretty much the same as gods the world over. That is, they don’t much give a care about humans and their lives or plans, and have no qualms what so ever about giving great gifts and powers to small children and placing bets on the outcome of their lives- even if it sets them up for an entire life of familial strain and inner turmoil.

Although to be fair, when your job description is looking after all the human souls that die, and seeing them more or less happier for having passed away, and being immortal, you probably care less and less about their mortal deaths and conundrums as time passes.

The film follows the tale of three friends, a lovely little free spirited girl and two young boys, one of them kinda sensitive and the other kinda a douche, vying for her affection. The two gods, the shiny and beautiful La Muerta and the dark and creepy Xibalba, place bets on which boy will win.

The treachery and cheating that happens next sends one of the boys on the fast track to being a mighty hero, and ultimately sends the other one through literal Hell to get his life back.

The entire movie gives off a very “Corpse Bride” feel, but it more than made up for everything Corpse Bride was missing. Every Tim Burton esque film about the afterlife has spooky skeletons mouldering away in a slightly shabbier underground version of London with a limited color palette. This movie takes the term “limited color palette” and stuffs it up a piñata’s ass because this is without a doubt one of the most colorful, vibrant and energetic movies to hit theaters this year.

Corpse Bride seemed to revel in the notion of a happy afterlife, but this movie seems like an ACTUALLY happy one, something to look forward to, full of joy and comfort and color; full of family that’s happy to welcome you there, and mountains of good food and wine in an endless celebration.

The afterlife is actually kind of a funny point in this movie, because many of the background characters and elements are unabashedly Catholic; yet here we have empirical proof of at least three pagan gods existing. I mean, one of them is a tarman zombie named ‘Xibalba’ there’s no way in any Hell that these figures are Christian, so it’s a funny thing to think about. And yes, when I said three gods, there are three of them… but the third one I really didn’t feel like he had much of a point in being there. He managed to be the one legitimately too-loud and annoying portion of the movie.

Where films like Boxtrolls had subdued colors and controlled pacing, and How to Train Your Dragon revelled in hyper-realistic fantasy worlds, this one plays out very much like a puppet-show, with wooden dolls for figures and paper cut out backgrounds that work very well with the vibrant theme. The generous allowance for in-movie physics also allows the figures to be pushed to their outer limits in terms of speed and believability while not sacrificing readability.

It treats its subject matter with respect (and it should, being made by a few ACTUAL Mexicans, no less) and makes no second guesses about the culture its steeped in. Everywhere there are signs of the local religion and architecture and it’s full of Aztec imagery through out, it’s a wholly Mexican film that probably would have been even better in Spanish. Though it’s not like an American released children’s film would play in any language other than English so I can’t bitch too much.

It’s very peppy and full of spirit and laughs, but it also has some heavy moments that tug at the heartstrings and even a few legitimately frightening moments in which it does well to earn its pg rating.

All in all it’s a very fun flick about love, friendship, and throwing the middle phalange to fate and carving out your own story in the world- even if by the end of it, the conniving immortals who put you up to it are laughing it off in the afterlife.

It's very seldom you see a film go out of its way to make so many of its characters visually unappealing and still have them command themselves with an unmistakable air of charisma. Even though the characters lovingly display each little greasy hair or smear of dirt, there are many of them you could stand to hug- even if you can almost smell the cheese on them.

Our story takes place in a town called Cheeseridge, a little dairy-centric town that's full of delicious puns and scary looking monsters called Boxtrolls. The boxtrolls live in a commune underground and come out at night to scavenge for trash and spare parts, which they use to create beautiful inventions of their own. The town is disgusted by them and fears them, despite their harmless, bug-eating nature.

Our main character is a filthy little orphaned child who is raised by the Boxtrolls, and the story follows his quest to clear their reputation before the town's exterminators polish the last of them off.

It's got more than a few succinct criticisms of how politics in general operate, and also more than a few Monty Python references. Although clearly revelling in its own grotesquery, the movie is never really too graphic or gratuitously gross where it doesn't need to be. It's a sort of sophisticated grossness that goes exactly as far as it needs to go. One notable distinction I can give to the movie: It has a running gag about lactose intolerance that doesn't include a SINGLE fart joke. Granted, the characters in the movie already look like they smell bad enough, but I did leave the theater thinking what a marvel it was that despite having characters that live in a sewer, it didn't ever resort to "toilet humor."

Because even though the story is simple and the dark, macabre appeal is there, it's got a good brain and a good heart. Even visually appealing characters like the female lead have their own dark side, and she gleefully talks about rivers of blood and exploded guts in her cute little pink victorian dress.

I liked the film enough that I'm tempted to go watch it twice. It's very Roald Dahl in tone and very 'Stinky Cheese Man' in aesthetic, and very Monty Python in humor- and very, very fun to watch.
Before I saw the movie I was bombarded by people saying how good it was because of apparent "feminist undertones" and something to do with a 'rape analogy' for a fairy losing her wings. Well as it turns out, all the rape in the world, analogy or otherwise, probably couldn't make this movie any more interesting. There are perhaps one or two truly emotional moments but most of the performances (except for the mentally unwell obsessive old king) fell rather flat.

First, we have Maleficent's kingdom full of painfully saccharine CGI monsters and landscapes that the actors have a hard time realistically reacting to (protip, you can't really replace a glowing dragon with a ball on a stick and have your actors still be easily overwhelmed by it) and the magical land is so painfully sugary you almost can't wait for things to go south, which they soon do, and Maleficent becomes a being full of hatred and decides to curse the daughter of the lying king that wronged her.

The only hole in this story is that after Maleficent curses Aurora to spite the king, she then proceeds to meticulously... stalk Aurora and spy on the baby she just put a curse on. For reasons unknown, instead of using her powers to torment the actual king who brutally betrayed her, she spends sixteen years of her time playing pranks on the inept pixie fairies trying to raise this poor cursed infant on their own. Sixteen years of this shit. Is this supposed to be revenge? Playing pranks on a fucking baby? While the king uses that 16 years to build an actual army and get some of his shit together? Time well spent for our evil overlord, apparently, who has literally nothing else to do.

It's also established in the movie that fairy creatures such as Maleficent are burned by iron. Of course, whenever iron touches her she heals instantly after a brief moment of pain because the decision to give Angelina Jolie even one ugly scar was apparently too painful for the producers. Explains why the green skin got the axe.

And of course things play out fairly expectedly. Aurora and Maleficent are reconciled, the prince is useless, the king dies after being spared by Maleficent and then falling to his death after trying to kill her again after the fact, much like Gaston. Because you know.
No one drops like Gaston. No one flies like Gaston. No one falls off a castle and dies like Gaston. He's incredibly good at defenestrating, what a way to die, like Gaston.

..Uh. Yeah. Not a great movie to spend a ton of cash on in my opinion I give it like a C+.
This was a movie I was genuinely interested in seeing. It was also a movie I had no idea what to expect from. I get the feeling that it wanted to be a very formal and stylized, rather subdued action movie but it also wanted a lot of the fun that came with blockbusters like Pacific Rim or Transformers and it didn't quite get the formula mixed exactly how it should have been to take it from "interesting but mostly just ok" movie into the realm of "good film."

The film begins nicely enough with the only white American family on a Japanese island. Well, actually the film begins with this kickass scene of some scientists uncovering a gigantic fossil monster, but that's not important because the scientists are treated like side characters despite probably being the more interesting people the film could have focused on. Anyways, this little American family is devastated by a mysterious seismic surge that decimates a power plant and causes the entire area to be evacuated and placed under quarantine to avoid radiation spillage.

But the father of this conveniently white American family living in the middle of Japan refuses to let the incident go, as he believes the authorities are hiding something at the power plant, and his son, now a grown up bomb-squad guru working for the army, wants him to let it go, but nonetheless accompanies dear old dad into the middle of nuke central looking for the truth.

Well, finally we get a glimpse of our monsters, who spend very little actual time on screen. I understand the want to build up to the action and the artistic challenge involved with keeping something that big HIDDEN and still keeping scenes stealthy and suspenseful. And to the film's credit, the time the monsters are on screen are the most emotionally engaging and visually interesting parts of the film. There just needed to be more of them.

I also understand the desire to focus on the human characters in the film and flesh them out, but it'd work better if they didn't also suffer from tropes like "soulless movie child that only exists to garner sympathy who we could have easily replaced with a dog for better effect" and "Doing really unsafe and stupid shit for no reason other than the plot calls for it."

The main character puts himself and his wife and children at so much unnecessary risk (at one point telling them to stay put in San Francisco and wait for him instead of fucking evacuating because there's no reason for them to stay in that dangerous hell hole like that just to wait for his dumb ass) and yet we're supposed to empathize with him because he's the hero, despite the fact that the day could have pretty easily been saved without him, considering Godzilla fought off the other giant monsters just fine on his own without human help, and the one thing the main character was good for (diffusing bombs) he couldn't even do in time to stop a nuke from going off only a couple miles from shore.

The real stars of the show were the monsters, and as I said before, the only thing that wasn't great about them was that they were so rare to be seen. I do especially like that when Godzilla himself arrives on the scene, things become very quiet, almost meditative, it's actually quite reverent and very fitting for 'the king of monsters' to take up the screen the way he does. He's got undeniable stage presence. And the monsters he fights actually despite their scant screen time manage to display affection and emotion and it's actually kind of sad to see them get their comeuppance. Especially considering that they're way more interesting than the human family that you know is going to unfortunately survive the film,even if they probably would all die of radiation poisoning afterwards. Even so, the main leads deliver mostly solid performances and their main beef is that they're not as interesting as the monsters, though that can't really be helped.

Overall I'd say it's a passable movie. It leaves me in the same kind of weird in between that I felt after watching Prometheus. I feel like I'd like it more if I saw it again but I also have no real desire to watch it again. Mayhaps Godzilla will return to the big screen for a sequel (heavily implied) and we can get more of the monster battles we've hoped and dreamed of with less of the pointless jingoism.
Despite the eloquence of the titular character, the overall message to be taken away from this film remains unclear. Is it a film about a father learning to let go and let his son hack it in the big world? Is it about a young boy who comes to terms with his bizarre adoptive parent? Is it about how familial love trumps time and space and all manner of trials and tribulations? All of the above?

Who knows. After turning its female lead into little more than a background piece after she learns to stop being a bully, and giving her zero lines after the fact, the film takes an abrupt turn away from the theme of learning to overcome differences and veers into the realm of "too many conflicts happening at once for any one to be central."

The plot point you'd think would eat up the most time in the film (i.e. Characters from throughout history suddenly appearing in modern day New York) takes up extremely little screen space and is resolved easily in a few minutes after some jokes were thrown in at history's expense.

However, what the movie lacks in general coherency, it makes up for in one thing: PUNS.

If you hate puns you probably cannot watch this movie. There's a pun a minute. And they're pretty decent puns for the most part. It also did a pretty good job of cobbling together a set of coherent characters (even if Mr. Peabody is the ultimate Gary-Stu) from what was really a shoddy, low budget side affair to the Rocky and Bullwinkle show of yesteryear. (Please somebody stop the trend of bringing back shitty cartoons from yesteryear they're dead for a reason please God please)

Over all, despite my beef with how it handled its female lead and how it had too much happening at once, it was a pretty solid film and I did get quite a few laughs out of it. I'm glad to see animated movies don't suck so far this year.

Hey, how fucking old is Sherman even supposed to be, anyway?!
Despite being little more than an extremely obvious ploy to sell Legos, this overly complex toy commercial managed to be a very entertaining and imaginative flick that echoed the mindset and imagination of a child playing with a gigantic set of Legos. When I was a child, my sisters and I would stage elaborate murder mysteries with our Lego figurines (the dog was usually the killer) and many long hours were spent cobbling together make shift cars and even animals out of a tiny handful of mismatched bricks.

Much the same exists in Lego movie. A tiny universe in peril, it's up to a horde of randomly cobbled together lego parts and characters to save the day from a Mitt-Romney esque bad guy intent on making the world always follow his set of instructions. It's up to the little ragtag team of misc pieces characters to rescue the entire world from the terror of his 'secret weapon.'

There's a genuine sense of imagination and joy to it all, and despite the obvious mixing and matching of characters and lego sets going on, it all flows together rather seamlessly just as it did growing up where the half spaceship half 1950's Packard car made perfect sense in our Lego noir murder mysteries.

The movie also switches between CGI and stop motion here and there and the end credits appear to be purely animated using patience and real Legos. I'd say it's likely anyone who likes cartoons and Legos would probably at least mostly enjoy this movie. It's kind hearted twist ending and its sense of childlike wonder put together a very coherent little film.

Better enjoy it while you can because it's probably gonna be one of the better animated movies this year and BoxTrolls doesn't come out till September.
Ah, yes, here we are at last, the awkward middle child of the trilogy. What a fine day to pan lovingly over New Zealand and wonder quietly whether or not this character was in the book. Of course, much was added; you have to, when you're trying to make three 2.5 hour movies out of a single breezy novel intended for children. The question is, whether or not what was added detracted from or gave to the better part of the story.

And to that I give a resounding... eh? Some throw away characters like the random bear dude were completely pointless. Others actually stand a chance of showing up again like the big white orc and the girl elf. But really the added characters aren't necessarily the biggest problem here. The biggest problem is that the movie forgot what foreshadowing was.

In a desperate bid to tie in to the other movies, it pretty much threw Sauron in our faces and in doing so managed to retcon the original series a bit. Annoying to say the least, but not as annoying as the weird too-close camera angles on so much of the shit in the first part of the movie. It was fun seeing how the movie choreographed all the dwarves working together, being rather small yet very obvious outsiders, that have to stand on each other's shoulders and such just to get by in a great big world that wants to fuck them up.

The film doesn't really get good until Smaug is introduced, though it does end on a maddening cliff hanger that of course only the final chapter months and months away will satisfy. I'll have to go see that Goddamn movie too.

But, the question is, should you see it?

Did you like the first one? Can you deal with changes and additions? Can you forgive Hollywood for its obsessive, idiotic need to inject romantic subplots into literally every story it ever touches? Then yeah sure go for it.
If this movie could have a tagline, it would be "Fuck Winter."

Except not, because this is a Disney film. Despite being gnawed up and spat out by committee very obviously, Frozen manages to hold its own and become a very solid film overall despite its numerous obvious flaws.

Anyone who does a little digging knows how much a Disney film changes from it's first idea to the final product. Frozen is based off of a fairy tale called The Snow Queen and the original concept art had it much darker and probably a few shades more intelligent than what it turned into later. It sacrificed quite a bit of the story and the plot is very bare bones, much to the chagrin of literature lovers everywhere. It's also very rushed and several things that should have been key elements (the magic trolls, the bad guy) seem like they were included last minute for no real reason and the plot could have advanced without them, or with simpler contrivances in their place. Some of the characters seem to exist only for the sake of a single song. Which is fine, because the sound track carries the film. I foresee a very nice, tidy Broadway run for this adaptation that will rake in a hefty sum and sell out for months.

And of course, there's the part everyone was dreading since the teaser trailer came out: The snowman. Olaf the snowman is one of the least logical and least visually appealing characters to grace a silver screen, and out of all the conventionally attractive and cute things at work here he seemed like the least likely candidate for "the face you want to advertise your movie with." To their credit, although Olaf was obviously shoe-horned in to sell toys and be cute, he's a very quiet and subdued character that actually ends up being one of the least annoying things about the film. Doubly so when you consider that the other characters are aware of how creepy looking he is and react realistically to that fact. I can also appreciate the desire to have a non-conventionally pretty character in a movie ruled mostly by Broadway stars and Barbie dolls.

Despite how much it was whittled down and despite its obviously rushed parts here and there, though the film did trim quite a bit of story, it made up for this in character. It was full of emotion, and it felt its emotions fully. It was incredibly expressive and very, very pretty. It was one of those musicals that, although hokey and cornier than corn pudding, sang its sweet little heart out and ended up being a remarkably cathartic and warm film, despite its icy theme. I was really gearing up to hate this movie after all the craptacular advertising it got but after watching it I can't bring myself to hate it no matter how much I can find wrong with it because it believed in itself too fucking hard. Corporate packaging did its best to ruin it but its honest center, focused on the characters and their development and emotions, managed to rescue it from the stupid, and it ended up being possibly the best animated film this year. If not for technical reasons, because it was the most memorable.

It's up for a few Oscar nominations for original song, and I wouldn't mind one bit if it got one. Being trapped here in what amounts to be frozen tundra, myself, at least now I have some catchy ass tunes to sing while I scrape the beautiful crystalline ice fractals off my fucking windshield every morning.
Apparently the alternative to Black Friday for online stores is Cyber Monday. Well, I never was one for stupid gimmicks but this is at least an excuse to remind you that I have many lovely offerings for sale here:… and in honor of the holiday season I'm offering up coupon code ABERFORTH good for 10% off.

I'm also going to tentatively reopen slots for commissions because my list has been whittled down but keep in mind that my custom orders do pile up quickly and I cannot guarantee it will ship in time for Christmas. I'll try my very best but if the item is to be a gift, sooner rather than later is the time to ask me.

Also: I still have a set of wolf paws available for sale that I can't list on Etsy that are still for sale:

Pair of matched black wolf legskins SALE by CindarellaPop - $50

I also have two of these wolf paw charms for sale: These are having a hard time selling but I'm listing them at $70 each with FREE shipping to sweeten the deal.

Wolf Paw Talisman by CindarellaPop
Need to pay some people, selling stuff. Everything has been removed from Etsy so I'm selling here. Note me to purchase an item. Any items sold here will be immediately pulled from any online auctions. Some of them are on eBay so the clock is ticking, claim them before someone else does. These items will NOT BE SHIPPED INTERNATIONALLY. All my items are tanned and finished.

Pair of matched black wolf legskins SALE by CindarellaPop
Pair of tanned black wolf legskins, sold as a pair, $50

Wolf Tail keychain by CindarellaPop
Wolf tail keychain. Was spoken for TWICE by different people who keep BACKING OUT. It's tanned and has a sturdy metal rivet and clasp finding, not a cheap ball chain. This tail is meant to be worn, used and loved. I swear by my methods and wear similar tails of my own design often. $100. FREE SHIPPING if you pay in full.

Wolf Paw Talisman by CindarellaPop
Wolf paw good luck charm. Made from a tanned black wolf paw. It's filled with sage, rose petals, garlic and salt to make it a potent good luck charm and general ward against evil. PRICE REDUCED TO $70

One more black wolf good luck charm, similar to the first but has blue chord instead of red. Also $70. Originally $100. I want to move them fast. These two charms have a lot of watchers and you're not likely to find similarly colored paws any time soon.
Thanks to everyone for their interest. Currently I have six commissions to work on and will be temporarily closing slots until I can catch up to keep my turn-around time low.

So far I've got
-Colored full body character sketch
-Ten dollar sketch
-Burgundy fox tail keychain
-Red fox tail keychain
-Scrimshaw demon-dog
-Another painted sketch

That's a pretty good chunk and I'll be crossing them off the list as I go. Two of these should be done by tonight. I'll be posting a new journal when spaces open up again. I hate to close them down but I've never really been this busy with custom work before so I figure I need to close the doors before I bite off more than I can chew.
Let's say you're making a poster. Like, a poster for some big special event like a bar-mitzvah or something. You want part of it to stand out, so you put it in bold, right? Then you think to yourself, hey, if I make the entire poster bold it will REALLY stand out! But when you make the entire poster bold, nothing stands out.

That's the best analogy I can come up with for the Carrie remake. Everything is super serious and super dramatic and super, annoyingly LOUD the entire time, as if to hammer home how Goddamn scary and impactful it's supposed to be. The only problem is that the noise isn't more valuable than silence and it comes out as really loud static; the cosmic background radiation of a better movie hissing at us through the fog of time.

The amount of ungodly emphasis they put on every single banal scene in this movie is actually pretty ironic, considering the effort was wasted because the only part of the show the filmmakers cared about was the big prom smackdown scene. This is their trailer fodder, this is the money shot, this is the iconic pig's blood scene and we better fucking make it count by replaying it three or four times because this is what the investors paid for. Even the murder of all the horrible horrible bullies was made ridiculous by the incessant need to play up drama as if there isn't enough of it. Apparently you can survive getting your head smashed through a car windshield at 80mph and not only will you be alive you'll be fully conscious. Because telepathy. Fuck you.

They sort of dug their own grave with this one because Carrie is a really hard film to remake. It's so iconic and there's very little actually "fixable" in the first one and not much to be said that didn't GET said. You can't really hope to improve the writing much; there's really only two things you can do. You can modernize it (and it did this fairly well even though the time difference between then and now doesn't create many meaningful differences) and you can give it better special effects. And let's face it, Carrie isn't a film that needed better special effects. The first one, despite being a crotchedy old man film by now, had perfectly believable special effects. It isn't like George Lucas was sitting around with the script of fucking Carrie waiting for CGI technology to catch up to his ideas and he could finally make the film, this movie only needed a few levitating things, some fake blood and some fire, and Hollywood has been doing that very well for decades. Explosions are cheap, friend, you can make them with coffee creamer.

The unnerving scenes were genuinely unnerving, and the nice characters in the movie were genuinely nice and likeable to the point where you just plain felt BAD when you saw so many of them get hurt, but in the end it's all ruined because they had to cram in some sequel fodder.

Yes, you read that right, they made one of the surviving female leads pregnant, and turned the ending dream-sequence where Carrie rises from the grave in a girl's nightmare into an actual physical not-a-dream segment that seemed to imply that this bitch who's suddenly pregnant is going to have another movie to get into. If you wanted to make a Carrie sequel that bad WHY would you not just MAKE THE DAMN SEQUEL YOU'VE ALREADY GOT THE FUCKING CARRIE MOVIE TO JUMP OFF FROM YOU DON'T NEED ANOTHER ONE. Save yourself the time! Use the time and money you were gonna spend on it to... I don't know, fund some documentaries so you can make up for the IQ points you've stolen from your audience or something.

Overall review:
Movie is good not great. Passable Halloween film. Predictably doesn't live up to its predecessor. Annoying sequel bait. Annoying parts in general. Try not to spend too much money on it.
Managed to get the bill out of the woods. I still owe a little money on it but it will be easily paid off before they come after me for it. Thanks to everyone who purchased commission slots! Just because the bill is not an emergency anymore, though, doesn't mean slots are closed. Truth be told I'm looking to get back into the swing of this art thing and commissions are a great way to practice because most of the time it's something fresh that I haven't tried before.

SO I'm still open for business. After all, I need to start thinking about Christmas presents for my family and friends and I've decided I'd like to buy most of them handmade from other artists if I can, which means my Pay-Pal account is going to need a little padding before I raid Etsy for hilarious knick-knacks.

:bulletred: $10 for a pencil sketch
:bulletred: $15 for inks
:bulletred: $25 for flat colors
:bulletred: $50 for a full color piece with a background

I'm willing to ship anywhere in the world and I'm very flexible. Animals are easiest for me but I'll draw just about anything.
Long story short: My insurance ran out before I thought it did, I owe a dentist $400.

:bulletred: $10 will get you a pencil sketch
:bulletred: $20 will get you an inked lineart
:bulletred: $25 will get you a colored character
:bulletred: $50 will get you a full color and background piece with free shipping anywhere in the world
:bulletred: $100 will get you anything you Goddamn well please I'll pretty much draw you porn for this much as long as its not something the FBI would come after me for

Also I take commissions for artisan crafts:
:bulletred: $25 will get you a scrimshaw pendant on a pig's tusk, your choice of design (pet portraits are popular)
:bulletred: $25 will get you a leather cuff with your choice of design on it
:bulletred: $40 will get you a jumbo-sized foxtail keychain (color availability limited, reds, silvers, golden island, blues and possibly marbles)
:bulletred: $100 will get you a 9" rawhide drum with your choice of painting on it (I include a free soft-headed drum beater)

Or you could say fuck that and buy some shit from my etsy store here:…
It was on reserve but the buyer had to back out.…? grey wolf tail is up for sale again. Buy now and I can ensure it gets there before Halloween.
Want to buy something I don't need. Need money. Selling stuff.


Scrimshaw pendants  -25$…………

Tails, coyote and fox. 25-40$………

Cuffs, 25-30$ (I CAN SHIP CUFFS INTERNATIONALLY except for the snakeskin one)…………

Also accepting commissions. Price depends on what you want. Offer full color small pieces for $30, larger ones with backgrounds start at $50. Inked sketches $20.
I told myself I wasn't gonna go see this because the concept of giant monster versus giant robot was just too simplistically stupid for me to believe in it. It looked like a Michael Bay knock off. The fact that one of my favorite directors was responsible for it did little to redeem what seemed on its face to be a stupid, stupid movie.

Let me just say it's not a Michael Bay knock off. It's the movie Michael Bay wishes he could have made. Granted its a pretty simple premise with a sort of tropey bare-bones set up to it, but it organizes its powers in such a form that it becomes a very clever and watchable action film with a lot of actual classy humor to balance out the carnage.

The monsters are very very BIG. The robots are very very BIG. Big by itself doesn't do much (something Transformers fails to realize is that big and loud doesn't mean watchable or entertaining) but it's choreographed so lovingly and the designs rendered with so much thought and vision that it actually IS entertaining to see them fight. It's not just a huge slapdash mess of flying debris and blood. One thing I hated about Transformers was that it's fucking impossible to tell what's going on. The robot designs are so similar and uninspired you can't tell who is who, much less who is winning the fight, as the speakers screech metallic scraping noises at you. These fight scenes are clear and concise. Whoever was in charge of the designs loved those creatures and wanted them to take center stage, and they did, in really big ways reminiscent of old classic action animes or Japanese monster movies. It's corny and big and loud and just plain fun.

The biggest strength and weakness are the characters. Like I said, this is a big tropey mess, so our down-home good ol' American lead who narrates scenes unnecessarily and his partner in crime, a serious and subdued Asian martial arts master with a dark past, go through the predictable motions. Proving themselves worthy of the rest of the team who doubts them. Fighting each other hand to hand in a big gym match. Tearfully embracing after believing each other to be dead. La-dee-da, la-dee-da. However, fun characters such as the overly enthusiastic scientist and his dower cane-toting counterpart are hilariously over played hammy characters such as one would find in a cartoon, but because this essentially is a live action anime it works pretty well. Personally I've got a soft spot for bad guys so Ron Perlman's character, the black market merchant dealing in kaiju (the giant monsters) parts is especially hilarious. He looks like something out of a comic book.

Over all, I'd say this film had some good ideas and some fun concepts. It's pretty over the top and ridiculous but not usually in ways that render it annoying, except for a few spots here and there. I named one of my pet fish Kaiju so I clearly didn't think it was that bad.
I don't know how many of you guys are threadless members, but if you are could you spare a vote for my design?…

I even have a sob story to encourage you to throw me a bone: I found out from my dentist I need two crowns done and they're like a thousand bucks a piece. I have insurance but I don't know how much of this insurance will actually cover. I need a few fillings redone and am getting my permanent retainer removed as well so the total cost of my dentistry is going to be greater than my entire net worth pretty quickly.…

Free shipping, marked down to $35 because I'm sick of looking at it. No international shipping. Paypal only.
The listings I can no longer sell there will be listed for sale here. Note that these items are all legal for me to own and sell within the United States as per USA law, I just can't sell them on etsy due to their more stringent regulations. This journal will be updated and reposted accordingly as items are sold, and as new ones are added.

As a bit of encouragement, all items are discounted here, and everything is FREE SHIPPING FOREVER. If you want to buy, please contact me
either on DA, etsy (…) or tumblr (

1. Aku scrimshaw pendant by CindarellaPop $45.00

If there's anything out there more badass than Aku from Samurai Jack scrimshawed into a piece of ten thousand year old mammoth ivory, I've yet to see it.

This pendant is hand etched by me into an authentic polished piece of mammoth ivory. I do offer custom pendants, the prices of which heavily depend on the size, the complexity, and the materials used. Keep in mind that no two pieces of ivory or tooth will ever be identical and that certain materials may have size constraints. I can even offer 'vegetarian' scrimshaw on vegetable ivory if needed.

2. Death's Head cougar fang by CindarellaPop $70.00

3. Helm of Awe mammoth ivory pendant: $10.00
This pendant is very small but also very cheap, at only ten dollars. It would make a decent charm, and it's a great way to wear a piece of the mighty ancient mammoth wherever you go.
  • Eating: LEMBAS
  • Drinking: ENT DRAUGHTS